How not to get wet

This is not a super new story but definitely one which has scared me for life!

I met Callum last year and had had a good time with him, including the longest first date ever, so when we matched on dirty tinder a few months ago, I thought why not give him another crack.  The conversation flowed easily again and when he asked to come round one night I didn't think much of it.

I probably should've known it was not going to end well when he struggled to get a cab from Hillary's at around 8pm on a Friday night and when I asked if he was drunk after he called me 10 times in a few minutes, he insisted he wasn't. Let me point out I didn't know him well enough to know that clearly he always thought he was sober. 

He eventually showed up two and a half hours later (it's only 40 mins max from there to my place) and was BLIND DRUNK, and all I could think was how is this a good idea.

Things were ok, but not good like I had remembered and he passed out straight after, I was very disappointed but thought oh well tomorrow is a new day.

But we didn't get to tomorrow before things went horribly wrong!!!! I am super embarrassed to tell this but many have asked for the story to be written so here it is.... Just as I was falling asleep I felt something warm and wet on my back, I initially thought geez he must be sweating a lot, to then realising what was going on and being in completely horror, as he has peed himself in my bed.  WTF??!!! Definitely came to mind.

I had heard of this happening including that some people also vomited in bed and shat themselves, but I was in a relationship with a full on alcoholic for 6 months and he had never done it so I thought it was an urban myth.  But nope it happened... and in my bed of all places.

I'm pretty sure my neighbours thought I was killing someone with the amount of screaming I was doing and I very quickly kicked his drunk arse to the curb! He was completely oblivious to what had happened and clearly still so drunk that all he could ask was did he do that.... Um well I didn't do it did I?!!

To answer all your questions cleaning it up was a big job and at just after midnight I was well pissed off, which got a whole lot worse when just minutes after he had got in a cab I realised his pants were still on the floor of my apartment but my jeans were missing.  I had to call him to come back and change pants, which made the night even worse, and had they not been my fave jeans I would've let them go, but I seriously love those jeans!

I thankfully had Richie in London still awake to make me laugh and calm down about the whole thing before attempting to go to sleep hours after it occurring and cleaning up the mess.

I can report I haven't heard from him since and I'm pretty sure I will never hear from him again!