Some men should learn to juggle better

This story is about Michael the Cyclist, who actually had some job in electrical engineering but kinda wanted to be a professional cyclist at the ripe old age of 28 - I think someone was dreaming a little bit too much.

So Michael (yep he called himself Michael, not Mick or Mike - weird!) found me on Oasis and was to start with seemed very interesting, not to mention out of control HOT!!! So when he suggested we meet up, yes this was after the rule of penis pics was broken, I didn't think it was a bad plan... and I'll throw in there I was more than interested to see what he could do with that equipment.

We met up probably 4 days after we started talking to each other, on a Monday night at Cott Beach to watch the sunset. This seemed lovely and romantic as the weather was still pretty good and I had assumed that we would be going for dinner after the sunset... clearly a bad assumption, but the date was nice, we watched the sunset, we talked and then things got a little bit cosy and cuddly on the beach.  It was so exciting and refreshing... I just wanted more, but stuck to my guns and didn't invite him back to my place, but we made plans to see each other again VERY SOON.

After way too many text messages, including him saying he didn't want something serious which I stupidily agreed was a good plan (seriously... out of control hot!), we met up 2 days later at a location half way between our houses, he lives in Wellard and me near Cott meant that half way between was a weird beach at Coogee... but like I said it was fun and exciting I thought it wasn't such a bad plan. Things definitely got hot and heavy on the isolated beach (totally lost my head with this guy) until we got sprung by a poor fisherman that probably saw a whole lot more of Michael that he wanted too.

I'm going have a little segway here onto something disguisting.... this guy's penis.... seriously if guys read this and aren't circumsised... learn to clean properly.... I almost spewed he was so feral.

Anyway after our little tryst on the beach, I then didn't hear from him for a few days and when I did he pulled out a big over the top story that I had made him do things he didn't want to, he was more innocent than me (I'll point out he took the lead on all the action... I just went along with it), he then pulled out a sop story about some ex-girlfriend who cheated on him, that he didn't have time for anyone with all his training... blah blah blah.... stupid me actually bought all these storied back in May and was honestly left a little heartbroken because he seemed so nice, was hot as, there was a lot of chemistry.

I'll point out that he also called me hun or babe all the time, which for some reason I kinda like, but in the back of my mind I knew that this was because he couldn't remember all the girls he was talking to at the times name.  Everyone has seen the movie 'John Tucker Must Die'... haven't they?

After this all went down, he continued to check out my profile on Oasis, which was weird so I blocked him.  At the time a friend of mine was also on Oasis and surprise surprise he contacted her just days after dropping me like I was hot.  Thankfully she and I were comparing men to make sure we weren't having any crossovers and when I told her the story she stopped talking to him quick smart.

That seemed like the end of him, until 3 weeks ago, when he text me out of the blue wanting to meet up.  I gave him a little what for at the time as well as explaining that he has gone weird on me so why would I give him another go.  After a few apologies and a bit of good banter again, I thought why not get the actual date out of him that I deserved, whether it was dinner or drinks, I didn't care but I wanted what I had earnt... remember return on investment, I'd put out so he had to buy.... when said like that it just seems like prostitution, which is completely wasn't.

I also gave him a bit of a run around for a bit there in a hope to get the magical drink or dinner, until he dropped of the face of the earth again only to resurface today, a week later, with a lame excuse about having been away for work.  It was shortly after this that he then asked to come to my house again for some sexy time, to which my answer was, as it had been the whole time since he got back in contact, that I don't hook up with guys that I don't really know... ok that's a lie but hey, let's remember I wanted a proper date!  He pushed a little harder and also raised the question of whether he was good enough to get to know, which my answer was maybe, but then when I reiterated that we should go for a drink.

That's when things got very strange and clearly he dropped a few of the balls he was juggling... the conversation went as follows:

Me - Do you know had you actually taken me out for a drink or coffee I probably would've had no problems with you coming around tonight

Michael - Probs shouldn't have taken me home the other night (hang on hadn't he just told me he'd be in South Africa for a week??)

Me - huh?

Michael - I think we are too smart and individual for this to work it seems (it was about now that I started cracking up laughing at his epic fail)

Me - You've never been to my house - must be getting your 'huns' mixed up

Michael - haha. Indeed I did.

As I am the b***ch that I am, I continued to engage in conversation to tell him all the things that were his 'tells' for juggling women, the hun/babe comments, the way he makes a girl feel special without very much effort all the way down to his 'out' stories about him being innocent and being damaged by his ex.  I don't think that he appreciated this very much because after I guessed that he was juggling an average of 4 chicks per week he stopped replying.

To be honest this was very funny and entertaining for me (made my night), don't get me wrong about any of this, I don't feel anything towards him and I'm not angry that he is a juggler, just think it's too funny that his juggling skills clearly aren't as good as mine.

I think he should learn some better skills and hopefully by me letting him know his 'tells', which surely other chicks aren't missing, that he will get better at it.

There is more to this but I'll leave that for another time ;)